Congress Harder on IDs After Shutdown Scare

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources have reported that the United States Congress is “way harder to get into” than it was before the shutdown, which commenced on September 30th. In a press conference this morning, President Obama hinted that he encouraged Congress to take necessary measures to ensure that a shutdown would not occur again. “There’s no way around the fact that the government shut down due to the presence of certain people in Congress,” said Obama. “We need to make sure those people aren’t allowed in ever again.” The new ID policy is so strict that even some of Congress’ most frequent visitors won’t be admitted. “I wasn’t even able to get in at all this morning,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner. “I got to the door, they took one look at my ID, and told me I couldn’t come in.” “If my Ohio ID can’t get in, I can’t imagine there’s hope for my friends from Texas,” added Boehner. As Boehner predicted, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas was also denied from entering Congress. “This is a really big bummer,” said Cruz in a 21-hour press conference. “I’ve been coming here for years and now I have to find somewhere else.” At press time, Nancy Pelosi could not be reached for comment, but did inform us that Congress feels surprisingly empty after the implementation of the new policy.